![Marriage is the death of hope.](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1046p190.jpg)
Quotes by Woody Allen
27 quotes by Woody Allen
Loading...
![Marriage is the death of hope.](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1046p190.jpg)
![Born again? ! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1026p70.jpg)
Born again? ! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
Quote by Woody Allen about opinion, rightness, time
![How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1027p116.jpg)
![I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1028p127.jpg)
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Quote by Woody Allen about death
![I believe there is something out there watching us....](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1030p82.jpg)
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Quote by Woody Allen about politics, faith
![I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1032p197.jpg)
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Quote by Woody Allen about faith, change, life
![I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1033p57.jpg)
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Quote by Woody Allen about humor, laughter
![I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1034p33.jpg)
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Quote by Woody Allen about parents
![I had a terrible education. I attended a school for...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1035p243.jpg)
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Quote by Woody Allen about education, teachers, school
![If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1036p118.jpg)
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Quote by Woody Allen about humor, people
![If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1037p98.jpg)
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Quote by Woody Allen about humor, bankers, name, god
![I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1038p185.jpg)
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Quote by Woody Allen about humor, good, good luck
![In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1039p61.jpg)
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Quote by Woody Allen about wife, heads, home, house
![I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1040p92.jpg)
![Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1043p240.jpg)
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Quote by Woody Allen about life, solitude, suffering
![Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1044p233.jpg)
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Quote by Woody Allen about people, body, mind, man
![Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1048p38.jpg)
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Quote by Woody Allen about humor, plumbers, god
![There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-1079p197.jpg)
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent the evening with an insurance salesman?
Quote by Woody Allen about humor, death, things, life, contentment
![Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-9510p242.jpg)
![Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a...](/imgupl/quote-photostock/sm-9513p24.jpg)
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Quote by Woody Allen about sex, good, good luck, contentment