Quotes about Medicine, page 5

The distance of the call from the Hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Assume that all field personnel are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

If you respond to any Motor Vehicle Accident call after Midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking: somebody is still missing.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Any patient, when given the option of either going to Jail or going to the Hospital by a Police Officer, will always be inside the Ambulance before you are.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Any patient who chooses to go to Jail instead of the Hospital has probably been in my rig in the past.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

You need it to save a life, or the salesman leaves.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Given the opportunity, any Dispatcher will be only too happy to tell you where to go, regardless of whether or not she actually knows where that may be.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Any injury, the sight of which makes you want to puke, should immediately be covered by 4x4's and Kerlix.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

The simplest Protocol Directive will be worded in the most obscure and complicated manner possible. Speeds, for example, will be expressed as Furlongs per Fortnight and flow rates as Hogsheads per Hour.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Those who can't do, teach.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Those who can neither do nor teach, evaluate.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine that injury decreases.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the patient's illness or injury.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases by the square of the sum of the number of floors which must be ascended to reach the patient plus the number of floors which must be descended while carrying the patient.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Any bystander who offers you help will give you none.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Always assume that any Physician found at the scene of an emergency is a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Any Ambulance, whether it is responding to a call or traveling to a Hospital, with Lights and Siren, will be totally ignored by all motorists, pedestrians, and dogs which may be found in or near the roads along its route.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine