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The number of years on the job is directly proportional to your waistline.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, numbers

The number of people who lock their keys in their car is directly proportional to how bad the weather is.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, weather, numbers, bad luck, bad, people

In general, a person's innocence is often diametrically opposed to how much they insist that they are.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about innocence, police, people

Any time you decide to do something, even slightly against the law, a police officer will just so happen to be near enough to see it happen.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, law, time, contentment

Every thorough investigation leads to confusion.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, confusion

Your Testimony in Court is unnecessary until both you and your wife coordinate the same time off work together.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, wife, work, time, contentment

Always be sure to give the guy who complains about paying your salary his nickel back before you write his ticket; It will leave him with a better impression of your services.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, salary, contentment

The further away the call is into the sticks directly relates to the likelihood you will need a restroom after you are back in service.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, need, contentment

Nobody needs a cop while the cop is around.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police

Cops are society's Sacrificial Lambs. Hey, at least we're not their Jackasses. That would be the Brass.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, society

On an extended Crime Scene, when someone shows up with the doughnuts and coffee, the cops who usually get them are the ones standing around doing nothing and could have gone themselves.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, crime, criminals, nothing

If a meter maid tells you that you can park there, then most likely you will get a ticket.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, contentment

Spill-proof lids containing steaming hot coffee, aren't.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police

Two beers, officer is always two more than they should have had.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police

Your Right, there is no Justice, Just Us.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, justice, rightness

Don't look conspicuous - it antagonizes officers.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police

When in doubt, empty your shotgun.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, doubt

Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, contentment

Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, body

If your response goes well, you're at the wrong barracks.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about police, bad, contentment