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Given the opportunity, any Dispatcher will be only too happy to tell you where to go, regardless of whether or not she actually knows where that may be.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, chance, happiness, contentment

In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Any injury, the sight of which makes you want to puke, should immediately be covered by 4x4's and Kerlix.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, contentment

The simplest Protocol Directive will be worded in the most obscure and complicated manner possible. Speeds, for example, will be expressed as Furlongs per Fortnight and flow rates as Hogsheads per Hour.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, example

Those who can't do, teach.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Those who can neither do nor teach, evaluate.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine that injury decreases.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, light

The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, univers, work

The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the patient's illness or injury.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, numbers

The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases by the square of the sum of the number of floors which must be ascended to reach the patient plus the number of floors which must be descended while carrying the patient.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, numbers, contentment

Any bystander who offers you help will give you none.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, help, contentment

Always assume that any Physician found at the scene of an emergency is a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

Any Ambulance, whether it is responding to a call or traveling to a Hospital, with Lights and Siren, will be totally ignored by all motorists, pedestrians, and dogs which may be found in or near the roads along its route.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine

A virtually infinite number of wide-eyed and inquisitive school-aged children can climb into the back of any Ambulance, and, given the opportunity, invariably will.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, chance, infinite, numbers, school, children

The true value of any rookie EMT, when expressed numerically, will always be a negative number. The value of this number may be found by simply having the rookie grade his or her ability on a scale from 1 to 10.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, value, numbers, ability

As soon as an EMS Rule is accepted as absolute, an exception to that Rule will immediately occur.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about medicine, rules, absolute

You're only pulled over when you were just trying to make the light.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about cars, light, contentment

When there are three other cars on the road, the drivers are drunk and there's not a cop in sight.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about cars, police

Hotrods are never seen, but often heard.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about cars

You finally save up enough to fix your car and you get fired.

Quote by Edward A. Murphy about cars, contentment